New Year’s is a time for hope. People gather together in the middle of winter, perhaps by a roaring fire, and they “make merry”, glad to have what they need to make it through to the Spring – shelter, food, warmth, loved ones, and a hot rum toddy or two. Time slows down in the winter, and there’s a chance to ponder one’s life from the safety of a snug cocoon. It’s a good time to imagine a new you, and take stock of the old one. And that applies especially to relationships.

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or just dreaming of one, a good New Year’s resolution might be to finally deal with your baggage, so you can really make a fresh start. Many of us are hampered by the past, and that tends to make history repeat itself. But if you shake off the false lessons of the past and learn its true ones, you can propel yourself into a place where new things are possible. (I’ve explored this process in detail in a new book, Better Love Next Time.) If you’re already in a relationship, and you basically believe you and your partner are real allies, it may be time to be thankful for that and vow to make the most of it, by learning how to avoid the mistakes that happened before. A time for good will towards the main person in your life. These are hard days for many of us and they make us appreciate what we have.

If, on the other hand, you want to start a new relationship, it’s a good moment to really get ready for that step, by making peace with past relationships that may still be in your way. Peace and good will – I guess the season has gotten to me after all…

J. M. Kearns - author of Better Love Next Time